Functionality is imperative in our designs. Each of our products has been rigorously tested and iterated until it works exactly as it should. Basically, we’ve taken the concept of “good enough,” rolled it up in a carpet, and buried it in a shallow, unmarked grave somewhere in the Pine Barrens.

No one wants a product that’s finicky or confusing to use, no mater how well it may work. That’s why we design all of our products to be so streamlined and user friendly that a chimpanzee could use them. They absolutely shouldn’t: But they could. But they shouldn’t. Look: It’s inadvisable to hand a gun to a lower primate. Trust us on this one.

Our design team’s experience and expertise in mechanical design and material properties not only make them the worst imaginable people to be cornered by at a party, but ensures that our products are built to last, and will one day stand tall alongside cockroaches and twinkies in the ashes of human civilization.